Last night was the final Grouchos party celebrating its 25 years. After that was karaoke night, ending with the karaoke staple Total Eclipse of the Heart - everyone singing their little hearts out (including Tracy Emin). A full night at Grouchos means leaving trusty bicycle behind - of course. I always worry when I do that because the little hooks outside Grouchos mean your bike is barely locked up at all. But on my way in this morning I was greeted by two policemen & lots of blue & white tape surrounding it! What happened there? I thought maybe it was a bit of overkill, but gratefully all the same, I retrieved it & cycled off to work.
Recently in Personal Category
Chinyelu was elected as MP for Newcastle Central & look at her on her 1st day on the job - the most glamourous of the lot & right in front!! Lovely red dress with little black cardigan, congratulations Chinyelu!!!
Today would have been my mother's 76th birthday.
Over the last few years her health had deteriorated slowly and medical science seemed unable to do anything to help her. By the beginning of this year she weighed 48 kgs despite her 5' 10 big boned Scandinavian frame. She suffered from a dodgy heart, dodgy blood pressure, dodgy lungs, weakened bones from previous falls and accidents, memory loss, confusion, hallucinations and a dose of Parkinsons to add at least one official medical term doctors could grapple with to the mess of bewildering syndromes she suffered from.
When on the 12th of February she fell on the kitchen floor on her way home from a doctor's visit, this was the final straw. She broke her hip, cracked her ribs and punctured her right lung. She was never to recover. She died in hospital just over a week ago on the 24th of February 2010 and was buried in Jobbles Wood on Sunday 7th March.
My mother was the most nurturing, loving and caring person. She was my safety and was my point of reference. She was an attentive ear and the warmest hug when I needed it, and a sharp word when I needed that. She was 'home' wherever I was and for quite a while after I left.
She had no strong rules or formalities that we had to live by, and yet imparted a strong moral sense - that eventually my brother and I seemed to soak up without even noticing. She was nurturing but also gave me a lot of freedom and independence. She made me feel trusted and confident, and gave me room to be me and grow. My friends' parents were sometimes quite taken aback with my lack of grooming and took on board themselves teaching me how to eat with the correct tilt of the bowl, and the correct way to sit and hold my knife and fork. My friend Sonia's mother used to brush my hair before she would let me out to play (I usually turned up with great big knots at the back of my head I couldn't be bothered to tease out). In fact, I missed out on being rebellious because I never felt I had anything to rebel against.
She was also a very individual mom and role model. For a start, most my life she was a foreigner and her ways were always her own, not like anyone else's. This meant I grew up never knowing that I had to be like anyone else, because it was a given I'd be different and it really didn't matter.
I feel very privileged and lucky that I had my children when my mother was still young and fit enough to be able to contribute with huge amounts of love and energy. She made me and my children feel that they were the most special and perfect children in the world.
My heart breaks every time I think of how oppressed she was by her many illnesses and ailments over the past few years. At times she was so tired of putting up a fight, she couldn't see the light. While she was in hospital she talked about the battle she waged against a silver army and that she just couldn't find the weapons to defeat them. But it encouraged me that she was still looking for them.
She was my first and ever enduring definition of unconditional love.
Right now it is hard to say what I will miss the most, as so many things remind me of her. I feel happy when I recognise elements of her in things that I do, and I hope I will continue to learn from her even though she has gone.
Thank you and farewell forever.
For those of you who've been asking where Mike's performing when, I thought I'd cut & paste his programme here.
The most amazing driving rain & pelting hail stones poured down the other day. Kiloh & Anna Clare went crazy on the roof after the heat wave come the showers, the snow and then heat wave again! June... Always unpredictable!
Claire got us tickets to the Blur gig yesterday afternoon at the Brixton Academy which was great fun. It was really good watching & hearing them play together again. It was strange thinking that the last time I saw them live was when Apoa (or was it Kiloh?) was in my belly & due in about 2 weeks. It was a pretty full on gig at Ally Pally but I can't remember now who all else was playing there, but I remember thinking it was one of the more uncomfortable things I did in pregnancy (oh yeah & that 10 hour bike ride up & down hills in Devon at 8 months). Anyway, there I was with Kiloh & Apoa (now all beautiful and grown up) standing in front of me, when suddenly Kiloh started forwards and crashed flat on the floor without even putting her hands out to protect herself. What a shock! I went after her and tried to drag her up off the floor but she was completely dead weight and absolutely motionless. I thought had somebody pushed her? Had she been shot? When suddenly after about two seconds she came to, looked up at me and said "I fainted!". She almost immediately jumped back up on her feet and then said "how cool!". Yikes! Anyway, she was fine after that but that was certainly a moment I'll remember!
More good news... While we were enjoying a luxurious holiday out in Bergerac last week, I got two pieces of exciting news! First good news was that Daniel and I were awarded the UKFC & Film4's cinema extreme this year & hope to be shooting Daniel's next short film BABY in early autumn this year. The second bit of good news is that I qualified for the European Producer's forum at the Open Russian Film Festival in Sochi - which means I am flying out to Russia on Monday! Emily at the UK Film Council suggested I apply with our Murmansk project as within the forum they will introduce us to Russian financiers and film industry and explain procedures and how to apply for local funding etc.... The one caveat seems to be that I get my visa sorted this afternoon which has proven to be trickier than you'd think (seeing as I've been invited by the Russian Foreign Ministry & all). But of course 'easy' is a dirty word in the world of production, so I am unphased and excited regardless.